Hey. I finally got over the death illness from last week. I still have this annoying cough thing that comes up randomly, so I axed my video plans for this week. But I’m planning a strong one for next week, so be on the look out!
Last Friday (the 10th) was a full moon. The full moon is a time for LETTING SHIT GO and releasing what no longer serves you. There is a lot of ritual that goes into doing that. One of my favorite things is writing down those things you wish to release on paper and burning it up! I don’t do that in the winter though because I have an aversion to fire in the house. (There was an explosion in the garage of the house I’m renting from- I watched a man run through the house in flames and extinguish himself in the snow…) Ya. So, during the winter months I do quiet meditations and journaling. I work with one of my favorite healing crystals, black tourmaline, and let it absorb the negative associations I’m carrying with that I need to release.
I don’t usually have anything too crazy to let go of. Usually it’s just negativity towards myself that I need to release. This past week I let go of something that stirred up some super negative, self-hate stuff that I thought I had worked through years ago.
A few weeks ago I joined a weight loss challenge thing that my work put together. Everyone who entered paid $10 and the rules are you have to pay $1 for every pound you gain. The winner gets a percentage of the pot at the end of the 12 week challenge. My boyfriend was all about doing it because he had put on some weight and needed the motivation to tighten up his eating/working out (I think he looks just fine, BTW). Since he and I have been hitting the pizza pretty hard the past couple months and I’ve been neglecting my usual 4-5 days of yoga I reluctantly agreed to give this weight loss challenge a go.
Why was I reluctant? First of all, I may be a little lax with my healthy eating and exercise, but I would say I am about 5-10lbs off from where I’m happiest. And that is a 5-10lbs that I couldn’t care less about. Second, any “weight loss” challenge that charges you money for gaining 1lb is clearly being operated by someone who doesn’t know anything about weight loss (no offense). Finally, did I mention that I don’t care about losing weight?
If you combine all that, you can obviously see that I have no desire to lose any weight. I was trying to be a supportive girlfriend and even though I don’t want to lose any weight, it never hurts to tighten things up. What happened for me though was that I was mentally tearing myself up about my weekly weigh in, dreading gaining a single 1lb and having to “pay for it” (which is a way of being shamed…). I felt myself slowly creep into this distorted body image mindset. I was about to resort to that awful, waste of time of counting calories and logging what I eat, and calculating calories and balance that with my fitness regime, and sweet fuck… I had a total Susan Powter moment. Do you remember her?
So with the full moon, I released the weight loss challenge. And ate some pizza.
One good thing came from this though. It reminded me how passionate I am about ditching the diet mentality and learning to make peace with your relationship with food and finding a way to love yourself whether you’re carrying around some extra weight, underweight… whatever you view your vice to be. You gotta just love yourself, first and fore most.
I uncovered a journal today I started a few years ago and I turned to a page where I came up with an idea for a book about all of that. In my short almost 35 years, I think I have enough material to pen an epic novel! Maybe I’ll start with a short e-book. Anyone interested in something like that?
What’s something you’d like to release?
Sending you all love + light and all things peaceful and wonderful-